One more reason to wear only Adidas


They buried fired Penn State football coach Joe Paterno yesterday and Nike CEO Phil Knight was on hand to give an impassioned speech praising Paterno.

I understand it was Paterno’s funeral and most, if not all, of the people in attendance were people who still believe Paterno was incapable of doing anything wrong, but the speech was just a little too much.

After listening to the eulogy, I’m supposed to believe that Paterno didn’t do anything wrong because, well, the 73-year-old CEO of Nike needs a hero.

Whatever.

If there is to be anything positive to come out of the Penn State scandal, it’s that it creates a teachable moment. If you learn an adult is sexually abusing underage children, go to the police. Don’t pull a Paterno and only tell your immediate supervisor about the incident the next day. Don’t pull a Paterno and allow a child rapist to continue to rape children.

When people continue to excuse Paterno of what he did, and more importantly, what he didn’t do, any possible teachable moment is ruined.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised the CEO of Nike would glorify someone who allowed a child rapist to continue raping children. Nike is notorious for abusing children in its third-world sweatshops.

Terrell Suggs is now my favorite athlete

I’ve been somewhat critical of Baltimore Ravens pass rush specialist Terrell Suggs in the past, but I’m putting all that behind me. He is now my hero. The reason? For putting ESPN professional asshat Skip Bayless in his place.

In a phone interview to ESPN’s First Take, Suggs calmly told Bayless to “be an analyst, not a douchebag.”

Granted, telling Bayless not to be a douchebag is as practical as telling the Sun not to be hot and toasty. It’s still hilarious. My favorite part is at the end when Bayless told Suggs to watch his language.

As if you cannot say the word douchebag on basic cable.

Herald-Mail to start charging readers for access to its website

The Herald-Mail, the local crap-newspaper serving the greater Hagerstown area, announced today that it will begin charging readers to access its website, Herald-Mail.com.

From the announcement:

On Jan. 31, The Herald-Mail will begin charging for some of the content on its website, www.herald-mail.com, Publisher Andy Bruns said.

The website will have a “meter” that allows each user 15 premium page views for free every 30 days. After passing the limit of 15 page views, the user will be asked to purchase an online subscription to view additional premium content.

The subscription will grant unlimited access to content on www.herald-mail.com.

“Simply put, I don’t know what business can spend millions of dollars doing something and then give that product away for free, and survive,” Bruns said.

The ironic thing about this development is that I learned about it not from the Herald-Mail website, but Facebook. The Herald-Mail has a page on Facebook and they post stories to it. Facebook, the multi-billion dollar business that became one of the largest and most profitable enterprises on the Internet by giving its product away for free. Facebook, unlike the Herald-Mail only a week from now, does not charge its users to subscribe to Facebook.

Imagine that.

The Herald-Mail is an awful newspaper. They publish dishonest articles about elected officials. They glorify a pedophile because of all the wonderful things he supposedly did for Little League. They are also extremely lazy when researching a local story about the price of light bulbs, choosing to call local retailers for a price check instead of actually visiting the local stores. They think a job where a young woman is required remove her clothing for the sexual titillation of strangers is a top job. They also accused your’s truly of using a racist slur on their message board when I didn’t.

The Herald-Mail is a joke. If they think people living in the Hagerstown area are the type of people who are willing to pay for online content, they are greatly mistaken. They obviously don’t know anything about their own readership.

Bullets don’t smell


A while back, I picked up Empire State, by Adam Christopher. It’s a fantasy story that takes place in a parallel-universe, Prohibition-era New York City. I knew nothing about the book, but it had a lot of quotes on the front and back cover expounding what a fantastic book it is. Plus, the artwork showed a character wearing a fedora and a gas mask. What more do I need to know?

Maybe I should have first read a few pages.

From chapter one:

There was a rat-a-tat-tag like a jazz drummer practicing a solo on a tin roof, and the rear windshield exploded, filling the car with the hot smell of cordite.

First off, bullets don’t smell. They just don’t. When your automobile is peppered with bullets, you are not going to notice what they smell like. If you smell anything when your car is being shot at, perhaps you or someone else in your car lost control of their bodily functions.

Then again, that wont smell like hot cordite.

Secondly, cordite is a specific type of smokeless gunpowder used by the British military in the early part of the 20th century. I realize the story is a parallel-universe fantasy, but the story takes place in New York City, not London. Why would Adam Christopher mention a specific type of gunpowder used only by the British?

Because Mr.Christopher lives in the UK. His website says he was born in New Zealand, but he now resides in England. Perhaps in England and its former colony, New Zealand, the word cordite is used interchangeably with the word gunpowder. I know they call a flashlight a torch and a wrench a spanner.

Mr.Christopher probably doesn’t know a lot about firearms. He probably doesn’t know that bullets don’t make objects smell. Problem is, his editor evidently doesn’t anything about firearms either.

This one silly line irritated me so much I put the book down and I haven’t picked it back up since. I wish I could say things like this don’t bother me, but they do.

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