Tag: Jimmy Buffett – Bent Corner

Happy Easter and/or April’s Fool’s Day

If Adolf Hitler asked Jesus to forgive him of his sins two seconds before Eva Braun shot him in the head, Hitler went to heaven.

Today is Easter, the day Jesus Christ arose from his tomb after dying for everyone’s sins. Your sins, your mother’s sins, even Jimmy Buffett’s sins. We’re talking everyone’s sins. All someone has to do to have their sins forgiven is to ask. Not the person who was the victim of their sin, but Jesus.

All you have to do is ask Jesus to forgive your sins. He’s the one who paid for the sins by dying on the Roman cross, so it kind of makes sense when you think about it. He paid for all sins you committed in the past, the present, or the future.

If you do ask Jesus to forgive your sins, you’re good. You’ll go to Heaven as soon as you shuffle off this mortal coil. If you fail to ask Jesus to forgive your sins, you’re going straight to Hell. That’s where the Devil lives.

Happy Easter and/or April's Fool's Day - Bent Corner — The Devil. Also known as Satan. Some even call him Lucifer.

The way the system works, it doesn’t matter what type of person you’ve been on this earth. You could live the best possible life, helping those in need and choosing to always do the right thing. If you don’t ask Jesus to forgive your sins, you’re spending eternity in a giant lake of fire.

On the other hand, you can be one of history’s biggest monsters and if you ask Jesus to forgive you for everything you’ve ever done, you’re going to Heaven. That means if Adolf Hitler asked Jesus to forgive him of his sins two seconds before Eva Braun shot him in the head, Hitler went to heaven.

That’s just the way the religion works. Hitler might be in Heaven. It all depends on whether he asked or not. Plus, Hitler was Catholic. It wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibilities to imagine Hitler praying to Jesus before he died.

If you don’t like that, take it up with Jesus. He’s the one who set up the parameters used to determine who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell.

Today is also April Fool’s Day. It’s the one day a year unfunny people attempt to be funny by making up something stupid and passing it off as the truth. In other words, it’s the one day a year people act like Fox News. If you fall for it, you’re the fool. I greatly hate April Fool’s Day and those who participate in it.

When the Internet first started, April Fool’s Day was bad. As time went on, I think more and more people realized how stupid the whole thing was and decided not to engage in its foolery. Good.

I don’t know why Easter and April Fool’s Day are on the same day this year. I’m not a calendar scientist, so I don’t have an explanation. I know Easter floats around on different days each year while April Fool’s Day is locked onto the first of April. If you have a problem with both Easter and April Fool’s Day falling on the same day this year, blame Easter. It’s the one that can’t commit to a single day.

The Baltimore Sun wants to protect me from ‘fake’ news?

I got an email from The Baltimore Sun with a special offer. The title of the email was, “2017 resolution: No more fake news! Only read trusted stories, $1.25 a week for a year.” In the body of the email was the following image:

We believe tall tales belong in libraries? Don’t they know that lots of people read The Baltimore Sun in libraries? When I was a kid, I liked going to the library to read newspapers and magazines. It was long before libraries became official unofficial daytime homeless shelters that they are today. At least the public library in Hagerstown is. I liked reading the newspapers at the library because they put them on long wooden poles. It made for a better, neater reading experience.

What I find hilarious with something like this is that the biggest propagator of “fake news” is the online version of traditional mainstream news media. For example, the following appears on the front page of The Baltimore Sun website:

Really? What Angie Harmon looks like now is “insane”? What exactly does a person have to look like to be characterized as insane? Is she strapped to a special dolly wearing a no-bite facemask like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs? That’s what it looks like to me when someone looks insane.

The Baltimore Sun wants to protect me from 'fake' news? - Bent Corner — Angie Harmon is that you?

Unless Angie Harmon now looks Hopkins in the above photo, the paid post on the front page of The Baltimore Sun website is highly misleading. I would even say that the paid post is fake. It’s not even an ad for Your Daily Dish. Not really. It’s a post like other posts on The Baltimore Sun, but what sets it apart from the others is that it’s a paid post.

Even a Jimmy Buffett fan can tell you that the Angie Harmon post is an ad, but The Baltimore Sun is pretending that it’s not an ad, they’re pretending that it’s a post.

Is Angie Harmon even financially compensated for having her image used in a paid advertisement? If it were an actual pure ad, she would need to agree to have her likeness used and whoever placed the ad would need to compensate her financially. If her photo appears in a post, she wouldn’t need to sign off on her likeness used, nor would the newspaper need to compensate her.

It’s stuff like this that gives me zero faith in the mainstream news media.

The Democratic party no longer represents me

What’s happened to the Democratic party?

Last night at the DNC convention, an 11-year-old girl and her mother, a Mexican national who is in this country illegally, went on stage and spoke. The girl did most of the talking because her mother couldn’t speak English even though she’s lived here for over two decades.

The girl was born here in the United States and because of that fact, she’s a U.S. citizen. Her non-English speaking mother is not. Neither mother nor daughter can vote this November, at least not legally. This didn’t stop either of them from chanting “Hillary Clinton for President.”

Whoever thought it was a good idea to put these two on national TV was smoking crack. Not the good pharmaceutical kind of crack, but the kind you would expect to find in a portapotty at a Jimmy Buffett concert.

You don’t use pre-teen children for political gain, especially on such a large stage. The girl is only 11-years-old. She’s not done cooking yet. Let her grow up and become an adult before you have her promote a candidate for president. She’s too young to be able to understand what she’s doing. And then you have the mother, a foreign national who is here illegally, addressing people watching on TV, telling them who they should vote for this November.

I can’t imagine immigrating to a country illegally, not learning to speak that country’s language, and then going on that country’s national TV to tell its citizens who they should vote for.

That would be… rude.

It’s clear to me that this current incarnation of the Democratic party doesn’t represent me or my interests. They don’t represent what I believe to be right or just. As soon as it’s possible, I’m changing my political affiliation from Democrat to independent. I’ll never become a Republican. Not unless they stop embracing anti-science, anti-gay, and Evangelical Christianity. I’d also include being pro-war into the mix of disqualifiers, but today the Democrats are just as pro-war as the Republicans.

I’m done with the Democratic party.

Some upset over ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ ad

There’s a billboard promoting the movie X-Men: Apocalypse that some are saying is inappropriate because they feel it promotes violence against women. In the image Apocalypse, played by Oscar Isaac, is choking Mystique, played by actress Jennifer Lawrence.

I have a hard time understanding the underlying logic with this criticism, mostly because it seems to be devoid of logic.

X-Men: Apocalypse is a superhero comic book movie involving superhero comic book characters. Violence in a comic book superhero movie is as commonplace as obnoxious Hawaiian shirts are at a Jimmy Buffett concert. I haven’t watched X-Men: Apocalypse yet, so I don’t know the context of this image. My guess is that it wasn’t because Apocalypse was mad at Mystique because she didn’t fix him turkey pot pie.

To associate this image with domestic violence is silly. When I saw this image for the first time, it reminded my of this famous scene from Star Wars:

I thought of this scene from Star Wars and not violence against women because I don’t think of women as victims. I think of men and women as being equal. I’m also a giant nerd. When I see someone choking someone else, I think of Darth Vader.

Rabid skunk bites woman at Jimmy Buffett theme restaurant

A woman was at Cheeseburger in Paradise, a Jimmy Buffett inspired theme restaurant in southern Maryland, eating lunch when a skunk walked into the establishment and bit her.

The skunk was captured and then shot in the restaurant’s parking lot. The skunk’s brain was tested and it was confirmed that it had rabies. You know who else needs to have their brain tested? Anyone that would eat at a Jimmy Buffett inspired theme restaurant. The only thing I can think of worse than being bit by a rabid skunk is having to eat at a Cheeseburger in Paradise, listen to the music of Jimmy Buffett, or be around people who are fans of Jimmy Buffett.

I hate Jimmy Buffett. I always have, I always will.