The official hat to wear after a mass shooting

With the number of mass shootings on the rise here in the United States, I’m always looking for ways to better express myself after the bodies hit the floor. I think I’ve found the perfect hat to wear during the aftermath of a mass shooting. I call it the “Thoughts and Prayers” hat.

It’s made by New Era, the official hat maker of Major League Baseball and the National Football League, so you know it’s high class. I need to find one in 7 7/8. If I had this hat already, I’d be wearing it this week in response to the recent mass shooting that took place at a Waffle House near Nashville, Tennessee yesterday. Travis Reinking, 29, originally from Morton, Illinois, walked into a Waffle House in Antioch, Tennessee wearing nothing but a green jacket and an AR-15 and killed four people.

Waffle House mass shooter Travis Reinking.

After Mr. Reinking’s rifle jammed, he was confronted by James Shaw Jr., 29, a customer at the Waffle House. Mr. Shaw was able to wrestle the rifle away from Mr. Reinking, temporarily denying him of his Second Amendment rights. Mr. Reinking then took off his green jacket and left the restaurant completely naked and on foot. Authorities later found two loaded AR-15 magazines in Mr. Reinking’s green jacket.

AR-15 assault weapon.

Normally I’d go on Facebook and express my sadness over this recent mass shooting, but considering how Facebook is a tool of Russian computer hackers for overthrowing our elections, I’d like another way of announcing that the victims of this latest mass shooting were in my thoughts and prayers. This hat would make the perfect alternative. I must get one before the next mass shooting.

If you see one of these hats in a 7 7/8, you’d be doing me a solid by letting me know. My goal is to get one before the next mass shooting. Considering how often they happen now, that could be any day.

I’m not interested in an adjustable hat. It’s important to me that the hat is fitted. An adjustable “Thoughts and Prayers” hat just wouldn’t be classy enough.

It’s important to me that I’m classy.

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