Has every man on Earth suddenly gone full pervert?

I don’t understand what’s going on. I feel like I’m watching a bad episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit when I watch the evening news. It seems like every man in this country was told to go full pervert and someone forgot to tell me. I didn’t get the memo.

Harvey Weinstein

First, we found out film producer Harvey Weinstein was a massive sexual predator who used his position of power in Hollywood to force women to have sex with him.  Evidently, everyone in Hollywood knew he preyed upon women and nobody said anything. It was an “open secret,” whatever that means.

Kevin Spacey

Then, we found out Kevin Spacey tried to force himself on a 14-year-old boy when he was 26. Spacey issued a statement saying he doesn’t remember the incident but he was drinking a lot back then. Plus, he’s now officially gay.

If you can’t remember the time you tried to force yourself on a 14-year-old boy, it means you either have NFL level brain damage or you can’t remember because it was something you did all the time. After a while, all those 14-year-old boys just blur together, right? What a weirdo.

Roy Moore

Speaking of 14-year-olds, Judge Roy Moore, a hard-core Christian Republican running for the U.S. Senate in Alabama, is accused of trying to have sex with a 14-year-old girl when he was 32.

I bet he thinks he’s better than Kevin Spacey. He’s not.

If people are upset by this, the jokes on them. Judge Moore adheres to the Ten Commandments, not the laws of man. I just looked at the Ten Commandments. There’s not a word about having sex with 14-year-old girls, pro or con. Judge Moore is good to go and ready to rock the U.S. Senate.

I guess we now know the backstory of the gun Moore whipped out on stage at a rally. That little gun looked like something made for a 14-year-old girl. Maybe it was his girlfriend’s pistol.

Louis C.K.

And then there’s Louis C.K. He’s been accused of masturbating in front of non-consenting women. The story sounds so outlandish and depraved that it has to be true. Evidently, it too was an open secret.

This story bothers me the most because I was a fan of his comedy. No matter what happens from this point forward, I will never be able to laugh at his jokes again. There will be no possible resolution to this problem. He’s done making me laugh.

All these weirdos are the reason normal people have to go to sexual harassment training. When I worked in corporate America, it bothered me that I had to go annual sexual harassment training. I thought it was unnecessary and more than a little insulting. I didn’t need to be trained not to harass women just like I didn’t need to be trained not to kill people and eat their flesh.

I’m not a sexual harasser and I’m not a cannibal.

John Hillerman 1932 – 2017

John Hillerman is a man on the left.

I feel sorry for John Hillerman. He’s the actor who played Higgins on Magnum, P.I. He was such a master actor. Higgins was British and he sounded so snotty and refined, I just assumed has was British. Nope, he was from Texas. He was a Texan. That’s about as un-British as you can be.

John Hillerman died. He was 84. Because Louis C.K. literally can’t keep it in his pants, this is what I read on CNN this morning:

John Hillerman doesn’t deserve to have the word “masturbation” under the headline announcing his passing. John Hillerman was not a pervert.