Eating Tide Pods is healthy, natural, and completely normal

Trigger Warning: This post contains sarcasm. 

Evidently, there’s a thing online called the “Tide Pod Challenge” where teens challenge each other to eat laundry detergent packets while they record it on video. Experts have been warning the public that this is dangerous. They’ve looked into it and determined the contents of a Tide Pod is not conducive to human life.

Yada yada yada. What a bunch of egg heads.

I’m no scientist, but I think the Tide Pod Challenge is healthy, natural, and completely normal. Furthermore, I think it’s good for our society that some of our young people, the special snowflakes they are, are digesting expensive clothing detergent.

It’s good for the herd

Eating Tide Pods is healthy, natural, and completely normal - Bent Corner
The overall health of the herd if paramount.

I think it’s good long-term for our society, our herd if you will, that anyone engaging in the Tide Pod Challenge just removes their DNA from the gene pool.

They’re clearly mentally weak compared to their counterparts. I don’t mean they’ll never be able to master calculus or learn a foreign language. No, I mean they are the type of people who decide to do dumb shit.

Our herd desperately needs less of these types of people, not more. It’s addition by subtraction.

Back in my day, the people today partaking in the Tide Pod Challenge would have been taken care of by playing lawn darts or sticking a Wham-O Water Wiggle down their throat with the hose turned on to full blast.

Eating Tide Pods is healthy, natural, and completely normal - Bent Corner
The Whamo-Water Wiggle.

Wham-O probably did more for thinning the herd than any other toy manufacturer in the 1970’s. And I should know, it’s a decade I survived. Growing up in the high desert of southern California, I played with many of Wham-O’s water-based summer toys. I also played lawn darts with my younger brother. I’m talking about the metal-tipped lawn darts of death.

We both survived.

You know what else is true about my younger brother and me? We aren’t the type of people who would ever eat laundry detergent.