I hate the Green Bay Packers with the white hot heat of a thousand suns

Week eleven of the 2018 NFL schedule has come and gone and the Green Bay Packers are now 4-5-1. In other words, they’ve played 10 games so far this season and won only four of them. Good. I hate the Packers and it makes me happy when they play like a giant bucket of suck.

When tracking Super Bowl odds, the Packers’ chances of winning Super Bowl 53 (Super Bowl LIII if you are a citizen of the Roman Empire) have been steadily getting worse since the 2018 season began.

I do not understand the national obsession with the Green Bay Packers

When the NFL announced the 2018 national TV schedule, the Green Bay Packers were scheduled for five nationally televised games. That’s five games too many. Instead of subjecting America to the Green Bay Packers, national TV networks should try to be more responsible and show things more worthy of the nation’s airwaves. Maybe a live telecast of someone putting Ikea furniture together or a middle-aged prairie woman churning butter. Anything would be better than watching the Green Bay Packers.

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Middle-aged prairie woman churning butter.

In fact, considering how much people in Wisconsin fetishize dairy products and coronary disease, a middle-aged prairie woman churning butter might just be a hit with viewers in the Packers’ television market. We won’t know unless a network gives it a try.

Have you ever been to Green Bay?

Green Bay, Wisconsin is by far the smallest city with its own NFL team. Current population numbers show the city has less than 106,000 people living there. That’s tiny compared to most cities with their own NFL team. Lambeau Field, the stadium in which the Packers play, seats 81,441. That works out to be 76.8 percent of the city.

Not everyone who goes to a Green Bay Packers game lives in the tiny village of Green Bay. I’m sure there are people there from the surrounding area who cannot drive their uncle’s tractor all the way to Minnesota or Chicago to watch the Vikings or the Bears. It sucks to be them.

I hate Aaron Rodgers

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Aaron Rodgers

If there’s a bigger jerk in football than Aaron Rodgers, I cannot think of one. I’m sure there’s a third-string linebacker somewhere who has the personality of a cinder block, but Aaron Rodgers is a first-ballot Hall of Famer. Considering how many sports writers have man-crushes on Rodgers, I’m almost surprised they don’t try to enshrine him in Canton before he even retires. For all his accomplishments, Rodgers seems to love giving people the stink eye.

Considering his accomplishments and accolades, it’s annoying to see Rodgers look so mad all the time. How many millions in the bank or MVP awards does he need before he cracks a smile? To turn that frown upside down? Spock smiles more than Aaron Rodgers does and Spock is half Vulcan.

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Mr. Spock

Spock’s never won a Super Bowl. I doubt he’s even watched a Super Bowl. He would rather play the Vulcan harp than watch football. Now that I think about it, most of the time, so would I. At least then I wouldn’t worry about Joe Buck and Troy Aikman giving me ear cancer.

In conclusion

My hope is that the Green Bay Packers lose their next six games. Considering how well they’ve been this season at not winning games, I believe their chances are quite good.  Ending the season at 4-11-1 would make me very happy.

NFL will suspend four players unless they agree to interview about PEDs

The NFL has informed the NFLPA that unless Packers linebackers Clay Matthews and Julius Peppers, Steelers linebacker James Harrison, and free-agent linebacker Mike Neal agree to cooperate with an investigation on performance enhancers, they will suspend them for the first four games of the season.

I love how the NFL has the number four burned into its collective brain. No matter what the transgression, a four-game suspension is always the remedy. Punch the mother of your child and knock her out? That will be four games. Cheat in the AFC Championship Game by using underinflated footballs? That will be four games. Use modern medical science to prepare your body for the hardship of playing in the NFL? That will be four games.

This controversy stems from an Al-Jazeera America (oxymoron much?) produced documentary The Dark Side. The documentary contends that the above four players, along with now-retired quarterback Payton Manning, received shipments of PEDs from pharmaceutical intern Charlie Sly.

The guy’s last name is Sly. If that does not invoke an overall feeling of trust and confidence, I do not know what does.

Payton Manning was already cleared of all wrong doing because his first name is Payton and his last name is Manning. Even in retirement, he’s one of the few NFL players Corporate America loves. He is just not the kind of guy the bad stuff sticks to, just ask the woman he harassed while attending the University of Tennessee.

I think the whole PED controversy is a non-controversy. Of course players in the NFL are using performance enhancers. How could they not be? If a human could do what modern players in the NFL do without PEDs, then there would be no demand for PEDs.  If eating skinless chicken, praying to Jesus, and getting a good night’s sleep could make you into an all-pro in today’s NFL, then that’s what players would be doing.

The truth about cold weather football

They show the temperature was zero degrees with a wind chill of minus-32. I remember it being minus-40, but maybe it’s warmed up 8 degrees since then.

I was reading about today’s NFC Championship game between the New York football Giants and the Green Bay Packers. The article mentioned it might turn out to be the coldest game played in NFL history. They say the temperature in Green Bay will be a balmy 3 degrees tonight at the 5:30 PM CST kickoff.

I’ve never been to Green Bay, but I did once watch a football game in the brutal cold. On January 15, 1994, I went to Orchard Park, New York to watch the Los Angeles Raiders lose to the Buffalo Bills 29-23.

Back in my Air Force Days

I was in the Air Force and stationed at Griffiss Air Force Base located in upstate New York. ESPN shows it was the 3rd coldest game played in NFL history. They show the temperature was zero degrees with a windchill of minus-32. I remember it being minus-40, but maybe it’s warmed up 8 degrees since then.

It wasn’t just cold, it was alien planet cold.

The worse part about watching a football game in the brutal cold is sitting in one spot for hours at a time, not moving. You are just sitting there. No matter how much you bundle up, you are going to get cold. The number of layers of clothing you put on only helps to delay the inevitable.

You will get cold and once you do, it’s impossible to get warm.

We had seats on the two-yard line, 13 rows up from the field. I remember things sounding different in the cold. The Raiders moved the ball and scored a touchdown. They then attempted an extra point. When the kicker’s foot hit the ball, it made a bizarre sound. It didn’t sound right. It didn’t sound like a shoe making contact with a leather football. The ball failed to go through the uprights and instead bounced off the crossbar. It sounded like a cannonball hitting the metal crossbar.

Buffalo Bills fans are stupid

I remember a Bills fan sitting in the end zone seating taking off his clothing from the waist up. His bare, pale flesh was exposed to the elements. Security grabbed him and took him off somewhere. I guess he wanted to get on TV. I don’t know if he got on TV, but his stupid stunt earned him a permanent spot in my personal memory banks.

Looking back at this photo, I wonder how many of these Bills fans are still alive and how many died in horrific snowmobile accidents.

I went to the game bundled in layers of clothing:

  • Los Angeles Raiders Starter pullover jacket
  • Air Force extreme weather parka
  • Sweatpants and long underwear under my pants
  • Air Force issued cold weather mummy sleeping bag

I’m glad I did. That said, it took me about three days to get warm.

The ironic thing about that game was how it contrasted with the prior Raiders game I attended. It was at the Los Angeles Colosseum where they lost to the visiting Cleveland Browns. I think it was the last road game the Browns ever won. The temperature on the field was 100 degrees and I walked away with a nasty sunburn.

Even though the Raiders lost the game, I was glad I went. It turned out to be Howie Long’s final game. He was always my favorite player.