Merry Christmas to you and your people

Today is Christmas, the one day a year we celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus by buying material things for the people we love and present these material things to them while eating food none of us should be eating. Merry Christmas!

This Christmas is special to me because I don’t remember last Christmas. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance on December 20, 2017, and didn’t go home until December 30. They had me in intensive care until December 29. I had a GI blockage and diabetic ketoacidosis and I almost died.

That first week, I was very much out of it. I experienced vivid hallucinations that even now seem very real. For example, I thought I was taken out of the hospital and forced to be an extra on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot. Oddly enough, it was filming here in Hagerstown. This was before such a reboot was announced in August. I should point out that I’ve never been a fan of Buffy although I’m married to one.

This Buffy hallucination seemed more real to me than the Diet Coke I’m drinking right now while writing this. There were other vivid hallucinations. Perhaps I’ll share those one day too.

I normally hate Christmas

Merry Christmas to you and your people - Bent CornerChristmas normally makes me depressed. I decided last fall that instead of allowing Christmas to make me feel depressed, I was going to attack it head-on. I was going to use Christmas’ own momentum against it. In effect, I was going to perform emotional Hapkido on Christmas.

I then got very sick and missed the entire thing.

What I was going to do last Christmas, I’m doing this Christmas. The tree is up and the lights are on the front of the house. I’ve even been listening to Christmas music. Good Christmas music, not the awful kind you often hear played in stores.

I waged war on Christmas and I won

I successfully used Christmas’ own emotional momentum against it. You often hear about the war on Christmas. I’m not referring to the fake kind talked about on Fox News, but a real war on Christmas.

We fought and I won. Christmas put on a top hat and met me on a Battleship this morning to sign its surrender paperwork.

Merry Christmas to you and your people - Bent Corner
Christmas unconditionally surrendering to me this morning. As the ink flowed, I had RUN-DMC’s “Christmas In Hollis” pumping through the speakers. It’s one of the greatest Christmas songs ever recorded.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus! I know you said not to acquire material possessions here on earth, but I have a new shop-vac under the tree.

Merry Christmas to you and your people - Bent Corner
My new shop-vac.

I’ve been coveting it for some time, so I think that makes it okay. Plus, you said, “cleanliness is next to godliness.” during your sermon on Mount Kilimanjaro. It’s more commonly known as the Sermon on the Mount 2.0.

Nothing says cleanliness quick like a 4.5 peak horsepower shop-vac.

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