If your truck has fake testicles hanging from the back, stay out of Maryland

It may be illegal to hang fake bull genitalia from the back of your vehicle, at least if my state delegate gets his anti-genitals bill passed.  This from the local newspaper of record, the Herald-Mail:

Washington County Sheriff’s deputy Matthew Bragunier figures that he sees, at least once a day, fake bull genitals flopping from the hitches of pickup trucks.

They’re only a toy, but they’re also unpleasant to look at, said Bragunier, worried what his 2-year-old girl might think someday.

“My daughter’s going to see this,” he said. “She’s going to ask what this is. I don’t want to be put in that spot. I don’t think I ever want to be in that spot.”

Del. LeRoy E. Myers Jr., R-Washington/Allegany, agreed.

This week, he filed a bill for Maryland to ban the toys and others like them.

The bill prohibits any “model, sign, sticker or other item” that shows uncovered human or animal genitals, as well as human buttocks or female breasts, from motor vehicles.

I too saw a pickup truck with fake bull genitals flopping from a trailer hitch.  Once.

I thought it was stupid.  I didn’t think a special law needed to be passed.  What’s next?  What part of the redneck culture will be regulated with a special Maryland law? Rebel battle flags?  Dale Earnhardt tribute decals? Worn out 2000 Bush/Cheney stickers?  If you take away a redneck’s right to hang fake bull genitals from his trailer hitch, what will be taken from him next?

It’s a slippery slope, a slope comprised solely of slippery, rubber bull testicles.

Author: Rick Rottman

This is my personal blog. It's where I write about things when I feel like it.

44 thoughts on “If your truck has fake testicles hanging from the back, stay out of Maryland”

  1. OK, this sorta drives me crazy… if the bulls balls are offensive to him, and they shouldn’t be shown, all of those crosses hanging from mirrors, the rainbow strip that is placed on the back of cars, and lets not forget the best, those rebel flags that are posted just about anywhere they can put them, all of those need to go aswell… but somehow… I think we start crossing the line of our rights and freedoms..

    This dude needs a life… those kids are gonna grow up and see those types of things sooner or later. We used to have a set of those balls hanging from the back of our race car, a little boy walked by and pointed them out to his father, asked his father what they were, and he said to him “when your old enough, you’ll know” and the kid didn’t think twice…

  2. More wasted time in government. People don’t have health care, it is hard to earn a living wage, we are being taxed to death to support a war on two fronts, gas prices are going back up, electricy prices are going up and this guy wants to waste time passing a law banning a stupid toy! Based on the language of the bill and its inclusion of “female breasts” does that mean that the iconic mud flaps girl will be illegal as well?

    The toys themselves are stupid. I know I wouldn’t want a bull sack hanging from any trailer hitch I had, but hey, to each their own, but to waste time passing a law so he doesn’t have to explain to his daughter that the guy in front of him is just an idiot (not for displaying it mind you, but rather for wasting the money on it) and the thing hanging there is just a stupid toy is criminal.

    I guess I will never understand this country’s aversion and fear of all things sexual and our fear that simple 4 letter words can destroy us. We all got to see Janet’s boob on TV and from the way people yelled and screamed you would have thought it was the end of the world. Bono said a bad word on some awards show and again the world was going to end! Way too uptight! My daughter saw that halftime show and when the boob incident happened and saw “The Boob” and she didn’t die nor is she scarred for life.

    You wanna put a ball sack on the hitch of your car? Go ahead, I support your right to do it, but then I also support my right to call you a dumb ass!

  3. I don’t really understand the message one is trying to convey when one hangs fake bull testicles from the back of a truck. I don’t get it.

    I once put a Kerry bumper sticker on the back of my car. The message I was trying to convey was that I wanted people to vote for the guy who wasn’t George Bush. It didn’t last long. Somebody peeled it off after a couple of days.

  4. Next thing you know, Leroy and his bunch from Maryland will be demanding that we castrate all male animals as well because some lazy wanna-be parent is scared to address the issue when their kid asks “Dad, what’s that hanging between that animal’s legs?”

    Folks, the nuts are a joke. They are an attention getter. And folks hang them to get a laugh. Have you noticed that in the past 30 years, these do-gooders have turned our country upside down? I say keep the illegals and load the do-gooders up on buses and ship them across the border. At least the majority of the illegals are good hard working people who don’t constantly “WHINE” about EVERYTHING…. whaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  5. Rick said “I don’t really understand the message one is trying to convey when one hangs fake bull testicles from the back of a truck. I don’t get it.

    I once put a Kerry bumper sticker on the back of my car. The message I was trying to convey was that I wanted people to vote for the guy who wasn’t George Bush. It didn’t last long. Somebody peeled it off after a couple of days.”

    Anyone that voted for Kerry has no balls so they would not understand…

  6. This should not have ofended him?I am going to buy a realistic pussy and ass from my local porno store and mount that clit facing all the women of my city on my piece of shit lancer(cause its a weak car)and see just how many women get ofended when thier children ask-Mommy whats that?

  7. Are you for real? Seriously, I am a 25 year old female and I honestly don’t mind seeing them on the back of trucks. I am also a truck kinda girl. I know what is right and what is wrong, it’s not like they are a real pair hanging back there. There also is not that many vehicles driving around with them. I bet you if a celebrity did it, it would be o.k. I am a Marine Veteran, and I have a lot of male friends that have them on the back of their trucks. At least it’s majority males. They are proud of their man hood. Also, you know what kills me, people wanna complain about the balls, how about the sick, ungrateful, non-patriotic Americans that don’t support the troops and are free to protest about it and are so selfish and care only about themselves, that they are so blind to see that we fight to defend America and all our freedoms. We fight for those to freely be themselves and express themselves. I say poo on them and leave the balls alone. You wanna comlain, how about Global Warming, ABORTION, the war in IRAQ, the ECONOMY. Seriously, grow up.

  8. I, too, know many veterans who fought overseas so that we could hang truck balls off our trucks. Rick, I can’t believe how unpatriotic you are. God bless the USA and truck balls.

  9. I am a veteran that fought overseas. Granted, the fights took place in bars, I was usually drunk, and I was fighting fellow G.I.’s. I don’t ever remember fighting over rubber truck balls. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember what any of the fights were over.

    God Bless America!

  10. “Also, you know what kills me, people wanna complain about the balls, how about the sick, ungrateful, non-patriotic Americans that don’t support the troops and are free to protest about it and are so selfish and care only about themselves, that they are so blind to see that we fight to defend America and all our freedoms”

    I wasn’t going to say anything about this part of your statement, Heather B, but I can’t. Wasn’t one of the reasons you joined the military to protect our freedoms, like protesting about stuff?

    Seriously, I am truly grateful for your service to our country and the thousands of other Americans who have done (and are currently doing) the same thing. I know it must be hard to sacrifice several years of one’s life in service to the country (or sacrifice more than just time, in many cases) in the name of an unpopular war. But please keep patriotism and personal decisions like abortion separate.

    And truck balls. I mean come on, how can you invoke patriotism and military service in your defense of TRUCK BALLS?

  11. Haha i have a set of these fake balls on my truck, its just for shits and giggles really, shoes that the truck i have has “balls” thats about it. its just for fun, a law passed is rediculouse, sure im a redneck, and a girl, but if i want y ruck to have nuts hes gonna have them :]

  12. people really? those “balls” aren’t even that noticeable….. why is it just because someone doesn’t like something it’s got to be ruined for everyone else? you don’t like cars w/ balls? don’t put them on yours!

  13. I saw a pair (BALLS) hanging from a pick-up truck in North Carolina this past weekend, I nearly pissed myself laughing so hard. I have never seen them before on a truck hitch. I do not see them as something vulgar or dirty……………..people better get a life and laugh at the funny things they see and do.
    Life is full of problems and sadness……………..LAUGH AND LIVE !!!!

  14. just got a set for Christmas…hope that word does not offend anyone. they are already on my truck and if i get a ticket i will gladly take it to court and challenge the constitutionality of such a law.

  15. @sie, Don’t be such an idiot. You live in Tennessee and this law pertained only to Maryland. Tennessee and Maryland are two different states with different laws.

    I would pay money to watch you argue the constitutionality of Maryland’s anti-bull testicle law. I’m sure it would be a real hoot.

  16. One question… What about the bad boy peeing? I suppose those will have to come down to. Oh, and while we’re at it let’s be damn sure and get rid of hot dogs on buns lol And that’s only the beginning. I have children and I realize what the major crux of the problem is here; adults who grew up in the sixties, seventies, and eighties not wanting to be like their parents who now find themselves not wanting to be bothered with putting forth the effort to talk about what is around them in their children in this world. It’s a hell of a lot easier to demand the difficulty away than it is to discuss it with our youth. Oh boy have we come a long way on the road to progress beyond our own parents. What a hoot! And for the record, no I wouldn’t buy I set for myself, but I do talk with my children about reality when the questions crop up.

  17. What is wrong with the balls? I think they are hilarious! I plan on getting a pink pair and hang them from the back of my chevy and might get the caption, “I’ve got the balls, that’s why I drive the truck”. If someone finds them offensive, look elsewhere and get off my balls! If I get a citation for it, I’ll hang them from my rear view mirror–that is if they’ll hold there. Then what are they going to do?

  18. I’m glad to have found all of your comments to share with my class. We are talking about inequality and our male-centered patriarchal culture. Patriotism= truck nuts, wow. Thanks for the awesome insight. I have a better understanding of the truck nuts phenomenon now.

    1. What about mini vans? Mini vans get a lot of bad rep for not masculine enough, or too “soccer mom”-ish. A big set of truck nuts hanging off the trailer hitch might do great things to change that reputation!

  19. So I’m to understand that this guy is offended by fake bull nuts because he doesn’t want to explain them to his daughter when she see’s them? And you are defending his stance? Really? So I beg the question just what the hell is this idiot going to do when he drives along with his daughter by a farm? This is the most idiotic stance I’ve ever heard, except maybe obama saying the border is more secure now than ever when there is more violence down there than ever. Get a clue man, you don’t have the right to not be offended. I have to listen to lefty people like you run down anyone who doesn’t disagree with you as racists all the time, but you can’t be offended by me? I’m offended by your stance against America, but you don’t see me asking for a law to take away your right to have this blog, I’ll just simply not visit it again. Same as with a radio station that offends people, TURN THE CHANNEL, I’m sure there’s light airy hits of the 70’s somewhere on that dial!

    1. No. You understand wrong, but that’s OK. I’m pretty sure you are just really stupid.

      I’m not defending this law. I think if someone wants to do something stupid like put rubber genitalia on their trailer hitch, then they should be free to do so. At least that’s what I thought three and a half years ago when I wrote this.

    2. I’d bet money that the lawmaker in question is a “conservative Repug”, not a Democrat. The Repugs are against everything and are hypocrites.

  20. Well mathew grauwaterever his name is acts like his daughter is never gonna see a pair of nuts hahahaha but I have them hangin from my truck n to b honst I won’t take them down for anybody is my truck n I kan do w.e I want with it

  21. I just purchased a set of “Biker Nutz” from the Bull Balls site and hung them from the back of my Suzuki Hayabusa GSX1300R because this bike has plenty of Nutz and that’s what the statement I’m making by having them hangin off my bike. It’s a harmless joke that gets attention. You either like them or you don’t so just look the other way if your opposed to them. When my bike is in motion you won’t see them anyway!! Hahaha

  22. This is absolutely outrageous just like everyone said hanging a massive colored if u like colored set of NUTS on the back of anything is absolutely harmless. If my son were to ever ask me what it was I would tell him to look between his legs plain and simple now as far as my daughter it would be a little more difficult I wouldn’t b as blunt as I would be with my son but I would take the time to explain it. And to be completely honest with you I can almost garanty that most children are so clueless to them anyway. I have a set on not only my truck but my bike and even my jetskies and if I had more toys I would have plent more massively colored nuts hanging if them as well. This is a joke it is a shame and all in all it hurts me to see what this country is coming to if something so small is posing such an issue I can only imagin what these so called leaders are doing about things that actually matter. I am truly disapointed.

  23. This world had too many complainers and uptight people! If that one person doesn’t want to parent because they don’t want to answer their kids questions then they better blind fold there spoiled little kids from the world!!! Let’s ban cows, donkeys, horses ect. From the farms! Let’s ban meat all together! Oh and some find Christianity offensive! No more crosses should be displayed anywhere! It’s a shame to be straight anymore! ……… This is America! Mind ur own dam buisness! Laugh a little and for goodness sake don’t be afraid to educate ur child!!!!!!

  24. If you need fake testicles hanging from your truck hitch, it’s probably because you don’t have any, or your IQ is so low that you actually think this is going to get you ladies. I cut them off every chance I get.

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