It turns out that Hello Kitty, the iconic character created 40 years ago by the Japanese company Sanrio, is not a cat, but a human girl. She’s also not Japanese, she’s British. Who know? Christine R. Yano, anthropologist from the University of Hawaii and author of Pink Globalization: Hello Kitty’s Trek across the Pacific, that’s who.

According to Yano, Hello Kitty is a British girl who just happens to look like a lot like a cat. Her real name is Kitty White. Her parents sound like a couple of jerks. They have a daughter with birth defects so severe, that it makes her seem feline, and they respond by naming her Kitty. They look at their infant daughter and see a newborn baby with ears on top of her head and whiskers jutting from her face, and they give her a name that is a synonym for a cat.

What a couple of passive-aggressive assholes.

I don’t know who Hello Kitty’s parents are, but I hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns. They obviously made a lot of money off their daughter’s malformations. They should have taken some of that money and used it to take Hello Kitty to medical specialists. British children should have bad teeth, not look like the family pet.