I hate the Green Bay Packers with the white hot heat of a thousand suns

Week eleven of the 2018 NFL schedule has come and gone and the Green Bay Packers are now 4-5-1. In other words, they’ve played 10 games so far this season and won only four of them. Good. I hate the Packers and it makes me happy when they play like a giant bucket of suck.

When tracking Super Bowl odds, the Packers’ chances of winning Super Bowl 53 (Super Bowl LIII if you are a citizen of the Roman Empire) have been steadily getting worse since the 2018 season began.

I do not understand the national obsession with the Green Bay Packers

When the NFL announced the 2018 national TV schedule, the Green Bay Packers were scheduled for five nationally televised games. That’s five games too many. Instead of subjecting America to the Green Bay Packers, national TV networks should try to be more responsible and show things more worthy of the nation’s airwaves. Maybe a live telecast of someone putting Ikea furniture together or a middle-aged prairie woman churning butter. Anything would be better than watching the Green Bay Packers.

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Middle-aged prairie woman churning butter.

In fact, considering how much people in Wisconsin fetishize dairy products and coronary disease, a middle-aged prairie woman churning butter might just be a hit with viewers in the Packers’ television market. We won’t know unless a network gives it a try.

Have you ever been to Green Bay?

Green Bay, Wisconsin is by far the smallest city with its own NFL team. Current population numbers show the city has less than 106,000 people living there. That’s tiny compared to most cities with their own NFL team. Lambeau Field, the stadium in which the Packers play, seats 81,441. That works out to be 76.8 percent of the city.

Not everyone who goes to a Green Bay Packers game lives in the tiny village of Green Bay. I’m sure there are people there from the surrounding area who cannot drive their uncle’s tractor all the way to Minnesota or Chicago to watch the Vikings or the Bears. It sucks to be them.

I hate Aaron Rodgers

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Aaron Rodgers

If there’s a bigger jerk in football than Aaron Rodgers, I cannot think of one. I’m sure there’s a third-string linebacker somewhere who has the personality of a cinder block, but Aaron Rodgers is a first-ballot Hall of Famer. Considering how many sports writers have man-crushes on Rodgers, I’m almost surprised they don’t try to enshrine him in Canton before he even retires. For all his accomplishments, Rodgers seems to love giving people the stink eye.

Considering his accomplishments and accolades, it’s annoying to see Rodgers look so mad all the time. How many millions in the bank or MVP awards does he need before he cracks a smile? To turn that frown upside down? Spock smiles more than Aaron Rodgers does and Spock is half Vulcan.

I hate the Green Bay Packers with the heat of a thousand suns - Bent Corner
Mr. Spock

Spock’s never won a Super Bowl. I doubt he’s even watched a Super Bowl. He would rather play the Vulcan harp than watch football. Now that I think about it, most of the time, so would I. At least then I wouldn’t worry about Joe Buck and Troy Aikman giving me ear cancer.

In conclusion

My hope is that the Green Bay Packers lose their next six games. Considering how well they’ve been this season at not winning games, I believe their chances are quite good.  Ending the season at 4-11-1 would make me very happy.

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