Bent Corner

The ABC one-time hit show Lost will be premiering it’s forth season this week and I for one won’t be watching it. I’ve given up on this show. The start-stop schedule this show has been plagued with has finally completely soured me to it. I just don’t know why it took me this long to give up.

Stories are supposed to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. The story told on Lost has a beginning, a middle, more middle, a two month break, more middle, a six month break, more middle, and then an even longer break. I am sick and tired of it.

This show was supposed to tell a story with a finite end. It wasn’t your typical network television series that told never ending, ongoing stories centers on a specific group of people. This show started out of the gate telling only one story about a small group of people. Something happened along the way that changed that. The show became a huge hit for ABC. That meant everything had to be stretched. The story had to be lengthened not because the story required it, but because the network wanted to make it last longer.

More characters were added. No small feat when the series takes place on a deserted island featuring characters that survived a plane crash. The problem is that none of these extra characters did anything to propel the original story. The only thing they did was to help water down the original story and make it all last a little bit longer.

It would be like taking a 12-issue comic book miniseries and stretching it into 75 issues.

Compounding the inherit problems with Lost is that they are starting the fourth season without enough episodes. Because of the never ending writer’s strike, they only have 8 episodes of an already pathetically short 16-episode season. Don’t start something unless you can finish it.

Because of this that I won’t be watching any of the forth season of Lost. I am not going to start something that I know I won’t be able to finish.

I like watching Judge Judy. I find it extremely entertaining. I find the whole process of two people going before a televised small claims court and arguing their case in front of millions of people entirely fascinating. Ironically, I get the feeling that many of the litigants going before Judge Judy have never bothered to watch the show.

That’s too bad.

I can not help but think that if they had simply watched a few episodes of Judge Judy, they may have learned things that would have helped them avoid a lot of grief and very public humiliation.

These things include:

1. Before you appear in Judge Judy’s court, you will be required to submit a written statement detailing your case. Much of what Judge Judy decides will be determined from your written statement. Make sure you do a good job on your written statement. Get someone who is smarter then you to help you with your written statement. Study your written statement before you appear on the show. Do not come into her courtroom and contradict your own written statement.
2. Um is not an answer. She hates it when when people preface an answer with um. Do not do it. It is preferable to have a few seconds of uncomfortable silence then for you to preface your answer with um.
3. Stand up straight and do not cross your arms. Do not lean on the table.
4. Look her in the eye when you speak to her. Do not look away or off to the side.
5. Do not raise your hand just because you think you have something to say. You will get your turn to speak.
6. If it appears you are winning the case, stop talking. Do not interrupt Judge Judy to add anything while she is questioning the other litigant.
7. Answer simple questions with either Yes or No, or preferably Yes your Honor or No your Honor.
8. If you have evidence to present to Judge Judy, do not attempt to approach the bench and physically hand it to her. Officer Petri Byrd (the bailiff) will stop working on his crossword puzzle and come to you to gather your evidence and present it to her. Under no circumstances should you leave your table and approach Judge Judy.
9. Do not tell her something someone who is not in the courtroom supposedly said. She will tell you that it is hearsay and she will not listen to hearsay. Judge Judy does not like hearsay. It does not matter how you try to reword it.
10. Dress for the show as if you were going on a job interview. The less skin showing, the better. Think about leaving any exposed body piercings at home.