It’s official: the Masters will feature at least one self-described sex addict
Tiger Woods is ending his “indefinite break” from that golf thing. He has announced that he will be playing at this year’s Masters beginning April 8. Undoubtedly skanky whores everywhere are now urgently making their travel plans for the Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia where the Masters is held.
Is Rush Limbaugh abusing pain pills again?
Conservative radio talker Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu area hospital for chest pains. The 58-year old Limbaugh is in Hawaii on vacation playing golf. KITV, the Honolulu ABC affiliate, reported that Limbaugh told paramedics that he was on medication for a back problem.
Does that mean he is back on pain pills?
In 2003, Limbaugh went to drug rehab for an addiction to prescription pain medication. This was after the National Enquirer ran an article detailing Limbaugh’s abuse of the addictive pain medication OxyContin, as well as other pain medications.
In 2006, Limbaugh settled a federal criminal case for doctor shopping. That’s when you go to different doctors seeking prescription pain medication and you don’t inform any of the other doctors that you are already being prescribed pain medication. It’s what addicts do to get more pills.
I know of no other pills someone could take for a bad back other than pain pills or perhaps muscle relaxers, but muscle relaxers don’t do anything if the pain is due to a disc problem. Furthermore, if Limbaugh still has a bad back, why is he playing golf? Bad backs and golf don’t mix. I’m no expert in addiction, but I would think you’d want to avoid the things that got you hooked on pills in the first place. In the case of Limbaugh, that would be playing golf.
One of the main reasons I hate golf is how much it would hurt my back. Plus, I really sucked at it.
Tiger Woods speaks
Tiger Woods is planing an “indefinite” break from professional golf.
From his official website:
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.
I think it’s kind of late in the game to be asking for privacy. For years he has gone out and inserted himself into the public consciousness by telling us to buy one product after another. Tiger Woods may like to say that he is a professional golfer, but for every dollar he’s earned playing golf, he’s probably earned one hundred shilling products.
Who knows, maybe Tiger Woods doesn’t even like playing golf.
It’s not like he ever chose to play golf. His father forced it upon him at a very early age. He was raised, programed even, to become a professional golfer. It’s entirely possible that he could hate playing golf and not even know it.
The train wreak that is Tiger Woods just wont stop
Lester Cohen/WireImage
When will this national nightmare end?
First it came out that Tiger was seeing a skanky cocktail waitress on the side. Then it came out that he was seeing lots of skanky women on the side. Lots and lots of skanky women.
If Tiger has a fondness for skanky women, why did he marry Elin? That’s the thing I don’t understand, not that I feel the need to understand this.
Tiger Woods was not drunk, he was on prescription pain medication
There appears to be more to the Tiger Woods solo auto accident then was first reported. Go figure. When Woods first hit the fire hydrant and then the neighbor’s tree, he was sitting behind the wheel unresponsive. The doors were locked, so wife Elin Nordegren used a golf club to smash in one of the back windows so that she could extract Tiger from the vehicle. Either she had heard the crash and came outside to see what had happened or she helped cause the accident by slamming that same golf club she used to rescue her husband into Tiger’s Cadillac Escalade several times as he was trying to leave the happy home. Both scenarios have been appearing in news accounts about the accident.
Tiger was lying in the street with his wife Elin was standing over him when police arrived.
Remember those facial lacerations that Tiger supposedly sustained in the auto accident? Well, it now appears he received those not from the accident, but from his lovely wife prior to the accident. It was supposedly the reason Tiger was in the mood to go out driving at 2:30 a.m.
Because his wife beat him up.
And what would cause the Elin to go medieval on Tiger? Rumor has it that Tiger has been seeing another woman, Rachel Uchitel. The rumor had been reported in the National Enquirer this week so it must be true. They are usually right about such things. As John Edwards.
Though Tiger Woods may not have been using alcohol at the time of the accident, he evidently was taking prescription pain medication. This would explain why he was acting so loopy when police arrived.
What it doesn’t explain is why he wasn’t placed under arrest.
Why Bush does not play golf
If you’ve been out on the links and haven’t seen George W. Bush whacking the ball, it’s not because you and him always have different tee times. It’s because he has decided to acknowledge the sacrifice made by U.S. service members in Iraq by not playing golf anymore.
From Politico:
“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf,” he said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”Bush said he made that decision after the August 2003 bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, which killed Sergio Vieira de Mello, the top U.N. official in Iraq and the organization’s high commissioner for human rights.
“I remember when de Mello, who was at the U.N., got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers taking this good man’s life,” he said. “I was playing golf — I think I was in central Texas — and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, ‘It’s just not worth it anymore to do.’”
What I find interesting is that he didn’t decide to stop playing golf because of the death of an American service member, but because of the death of a United Nations official. Curious.
I wonder, has he ever thought of acknowledging their sacrifice by stop sending them to Iraq?
I stopped playing golf years ago. Not because I wanted to acknowledge anyone’s sacrifice. I quit because I realized golf really sucks.
Golfers are not athletes
Not that there was ever really any doubt.
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