Bent Corner

Science fiction writer Orson Scott Card has his secret Mormon holy underpants in a bunch over the idea of allowing gay people to marry.  Marriage, that sacred holy union enjoyed by the likes of Britney Spears and Keven Federline and Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley.

Orson Scott Card does not like gay marriage and he chose to argue his views in the pages of the Mormon Times. How brave of him.

Here is some of what Orson Scott Card had to say:

These judges are making new law without any democratic process; in fact, their decisions are striking down laws enacted by majority vote.

No, that’s not what is happening.  Massachusetts and California Judges have ruled against laws that discriminate against gay people.  That is what judges are supposed to do.  They strike down laws that discriminate against people because of their race, sex, religion, or sexual orientation.  It doesn’t matter if a majority of voters agreed to deny rights to gay people.  There is a difference between a Democracy and mob rule.

Remember how rapidly gay marriage has become a requirement. When gay rights were being enforced by the courts back in the ’70s and ’80s, we were repeatedly told by all the proponents of gay rights that they would never attempt to legalize gay marriage.

It took about 15 minutes for that promise to be broken.

Who promised him that? It’s not that people want to legalize gay marriage. Those of us on the pro-gay marriage side just think that the government shouldn’t enact laws that make it illegal.  There is a difference.

My wife and I enjoy the rights and privileges afforded to us because we are married. She is my legal next of kin and I am her’s. If I am ever in a life threatening accident and decisions have to be made concerning my care and treatment, not only will my wife be allowed to remain at my side, she will be allowed to make those decisions. The reason for this is because she and I are married.

This is only one of the many rights and privileges bestowed on married couples. Gay people in committed relationships love the person they are with just as much as I love my wife.  Why should my wife and I get rights and privileges that committed gay couples don’t?  I hate the fact that we deny this basic right to gay couples.

It’s embarrassing.

And for the record, if I am ever in a situation where my wife has to make a decision about my medical care, I want her to keep me alive any way that medical science allows. Not only do I want to be hooked up to machines, I want them to invent new machines just to keep me going. I want to live!

The choice is her’s though.  She is my wife.  She has earned the right to unplug me.

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Police are reporting a significant increase in Britney Spears umbrella attacks. The first attack happened in front of the home of hip hop superstar Kevin Federline. The victims of this unprovoked umbrella attack were professional photographers who just happened to be in the neighborhood on a totally unrelated matter.

Since this initial Britney Spears umbrella attack, dozens of people have reported similar attacks. Though the time of day and the locations differ, the attacks all have a very similar theme. Britney Spears jumps out from a hiding place and attacks with her umbrella.

Police have tried to find a pattern to her umbrella attacks. So far, they have been unsuccessful discovering anything that will lead them to identifying a pattern to the Britney Spears umbrella attacks.

They have discovered though that Britney Spears is not the first to use the umbrella as a weapon. There was actually someone before Britney Spears who used the umbrella to cause harm.

It’s important to note that this person used his umbrella differently then Britney Spears. This person used his umbrella to fire knockout gas out of the special tip. He didn’t bludgeon or spear anyone if you will with it like Britney.

So far Britney Spears has not attacked anyone with gas.

Anna Nicole Smith died. She was found “unresponsive” in her hotel room at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida. She was pronounced dead at the hospital.

This was huge news for some reason. I couldn’t believe how much the mainstream news media seemed to care about the death of Anna Nicole Smith. There were other things going on Thursday that were far more important and effected far more people then Anna Nicole Smith dying in an Indian casino hotel room.

Take Iraq for example. Almost every single day American service members are killed in Iraq. It seems to me that nobody even cares anymore. At least not the way they care about Anna Nicole Smith dying.

I think that is what bothers me the most about Bush’s war in Iraq. It’s not the flawed reasons and false justifications for invading Iraq. It’s not the colossal waste of money. Money we don’t really have. What bothers me the most is how little my fellow Americans seemingly care about the troops being sent over there.

Contrary to what you may have read on a magnetic yellow ribbon bumper sticker placed on the back of an SUV, Americans just don’t care about American solders dying in Iraq.

I realize just how little Americans care when I see the collective slobber fest over the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Frankly, I’m suprised she didn’t O.D. years ago. Like her son.

Maybe the answer to ending the war in Iraq is to draft white trash celebrities and send them to Iraq. Force them into the military and make them ride around Baghdad in an unarmored HUMVEE. Maybe then America will finally start to care what happens over there. Maybe if Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears were sent to Iraq, people might finally care what happens over there.

Maybe.

The unthinkable happened. Britney Spears has given K-Fed the heave-ho and filed for divorce. When I first heard the news yesterday, I was shocked. I could not believe that this young and vibrant couple had hit the skids. When Britney and K-Fed had married and decided to start a family, I was like a lot of Americans. I thought that I had finally found a celebrity couple that was for real.

How could I have been so wrong?

Just when I thought nothing could surprise me more then Britney divorcing K-Fed, I found out today that George W. Bush has given Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld the boot. The man who made the Iraqi invasion and occupation the rousing success that it is will be replaced with some other guy that used to work for Bush’s daddy.

Go figure. Way to think outside the box.

First K-Fed and then Donald Rumsfeld. Will the madness ever end? America cannot afford to lose any more of it’s great men.