Bryce Harper is no warrior, but Glen Coffee sure is

Major League Baseball and Majestic Athletic are releasing special t-shirts featuring players along with a quote supposedly said by the player. Including in the offering is a shirt for Bryce Harper, former Hagerstown Suns prospect and current Washington Nationals outfielder. This is the shirt for Harper, from the most excellent The Washington Post sports blog, DC Sports Bog:
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I cringe when a professional athlete refers to themselves as being a warrior. It always sounds so douchie. We actually have real-life warriors in our society, and professional ball players sound stupid when they try to pretend to be among their ranks. They’re not. If there’s a warrior inside Bryce Harper, then by all means, he needs to quite baseball and join the U.S. armed forces.

Harper needs to do what Glen Coffee did.

Glen Coffee played running back for the San Fransisco 49ers in 2009 after being drafted in the third-round out of the University of Alabama. Before the 2010 season, he unexpectedly retired, realizing he didn’t want to play in the NFL. After watching the movie Tears of the Sun, a terrible movie starring Bruce Willis as a Navy SEAL, Coffee decided he wanted a life in the armed forces, so he joined the Army. Here’s a recent photo of Glen Coffee:

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Glen Coffee is the one on the right. Yesterday he graduated from Airborne School at Fort Benning, Georgia. He now has his sights set on becoming a member of the U.S. Army Special Forces, or as it’s more commonly referred to, the Green Berets.

You see, Glen Coffee is a warrior. Not a pretend warrior like Bryce Harper, but a real warrior who knows how to jump out of perfectly good airplanes and kill the enemies of the United States. Glen Coffee graduated Airborne school. Bryce Harper didn’t graduate high school. As long as there are people like Glen Coffee, people like Bryce Harper shouldn’t be referring to themselves as being a warrior.

It’s embarrassing.

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