Sheri and I were driving to Target before heading over across the Potomic Potomac river and into West Virginia to her brother’s house. Sheri’s nephew was celebrating his fourth birthday and we still had to get him one more gift. He’s into Transformers in a really big way and I remember seeing Transformer helmets with a modulating voice amplifier at Target. Press a button and speak normal and your voice is altered to sound like a Transformer. A pretty cool toy if you ask me.

We were about a mile from Target when I happened to see a Washington County sheriff in my rear view mirror three cars back with his lights blazing. I changed lanes so he could eventually go around me and intercept the evil law breaker he was pursuing. As I changed in the right lane, he did as well. He was then directly behind me and his lights were still flashing. I pulled over and he did too.

I took my driver’s license out and went to the sun visor to get the temporary registration and proof of insurance. I always have that stuff in the sun visor and not in the glove compartment. It’s easier to get to this way. Also, reaching into the glove compartment may cause the cop to think I am going for a weapon.

As the deputy approached the car, I handed him my papers and license before he could even ask for them. He asked me if I knew why he pulled me over. I told him, “No.” He informed me that the expiration date on the temporary tag appears to have washed off.

We purchased a new car, a 2007 Ford Focus, a little over a month ago. We haven’t received the permanent license plates yet. We still have the temporary cardboard tag in place of the rear license plate. The deputy asked me when we purchased the car. That information is located on the temporary registration, but I told him anyway. He then asked me where we purchased the car. Why would he need to know where we purchased the car? What possible reason could he have for knowing this information? I told him we purchased it at Hagerstown Ford.

He then moved over to the front windshield area to look at the VIN number located on the dash. He came back to the window to inform me that the VIN number on the car and the VIN number on the paperwork did not match. Really? You sure about that deputy? I didn’t say anything. If he was convinced the two numbers didn’t match, what could I say that would possibly change his mind? After looking at the two numbers again, he admitted that the VIN numbers indeed matched. Imagine that.

Maybe if he wasn’t wearing those dorky looking wrap around mirrored sunglasses, he could see better.

I know the real reason he was asking stupid questions. He was trying to engage me in conversation. He wanted to see signs that I was under the influence. Never mind it was early afternoon and that I hadn’t so much as had a beer in over two weeks. If he can get me into lengthy conversation, he can claim that my words were slurred. He would then have claim probable cause to have me perform a field sobriety test. Whether I pass or fail the field sobriety test would be solely up to him. The same person that had trouble recognizing that the two VIN numbers were a match.

It’s because of this I try to keep my answers short. One word answers are best. One syllable answers are even better. I speaking to a member of law enforcement, I don’t offer up any information without being asked.

He then told me that he would be right back and he went back to his car. I watched him in my rear view mirror. He was talking on his radio for a while and then proceeded to talk on his cell phone. His cell phone? I got the impression he was making a personal call while we sat in on the side of the road wasting time. Either that or he was calling a fellow deputy to see if they could think of something to write me a ticket for.

After about ten minutes, he got out of his car and returned to my window. He handed everything back to me and told me that I needed to take a marker and write the expiration date back on the temporary tag. He said that he could write me a $60 failure to display proper registration ticket, but he was not going to do that. He thanked me and told me I was free to go.

I didn’t thank him.

I’m not the one that decided Maryland temporary license plates should be made of cardboard and displayed on the back of a vehicle. It rains in Maryland. Cardboard doesn’t react well to water. Making these temporary tags out of simple cardboard and demanding that they be mounted on the rear of the vehicle exposed to the elements is stupid. At the very least they should be mounted on the inside the vehicle on the back window.

Why does it take Maryland so long to issue permanent plates? If they are going to make the temporary tags out of such a flimsy material as cardboard and require them to be mounted to the outside of the vehicle, they ought to be a little quicker with providing the permanent plates.

This is why I don’t like cops. I know that it’s politically incorrect to say something like this, but I’ve never had a good experience with a member of law enforcement. Instead of off fighting crime, this cop wasted time by jacking up someone obviously driving a new car with a water damaged temporary tag. I wasn’t breaking any laws. No one has a reported a stolen black 2007 Ford Focus. He had no legitimate reason for pulling me over and questioning me. He was simply fishing.